I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
