areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
