you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
