Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Randomize
