I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
