hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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