she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
