Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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