He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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