you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
