I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
