I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's blow job season.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
