I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
