porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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