how can u be prego again
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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