You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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