I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
