He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
