I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
