Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
