so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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