now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
