I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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