Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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