Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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