wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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