What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
