Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
