Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize