tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize