I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
