Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
