I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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