Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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