There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
