Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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