By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
