So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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