im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
