nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
