I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
