she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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