I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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