i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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