if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no. you can't hotbox the world.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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