You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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