I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
