And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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