we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
