This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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