Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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