I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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