omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
