Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
