The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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