my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
