We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
