I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Everclear isn't food dammit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize