I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
