I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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