You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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