I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
