Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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