I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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