The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
