we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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