Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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