What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
