Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
