I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
